My Story

Hello my friends. I've decided that I'm going to give you a taste of who I am this time around. I do this with the first chapter of my autobiography. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
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                                                       Legal Criminal

You'll agree with me, when you hear my story, that I should either be dead or in prison. However, I am neither. I am very lucky in the sense that I am a free man. I have suffered though. My mind does not work as a normal mind should. I suppose I am what most people would call "insane". My physical limitations also helped to plague my upbringing. Dispite (or maybe because) of this, I refuse to just quit.

I was born just after 2am on Jan. 27th, 1973. The exact same day that the treaty was signed that ended the Veitnam War. Little did I know it at the time, but my battle was just beginning. I went directly from my mother's womb into surgery and then into a body cast. Even though I was only an infant, it was clear, even to me, that there was something extreamlly wrong with the situation. Eventually, I was brought home. Home consisted of my mother, aunt, uncle, and four cousins. Sadly, my uncle passed away a few month after I arrived home.He did, however, make everyone promise to take care of me. Hence, with the exception of my cousin Steven and his wife Gloria, all the ladies in the family became my "mother". Steven and Gloria became my "adopted parents". That is, I adopted them. I was very loved and well taken care of. Also, much like the Holy Grail, I was overly protected. My uncle had a big german shepard named "Rebel". He slept under my crib and went wild when anyone walked in my room. In order to gain access to me, one person had to open my bedroom door and lure the dog out while someone else came in through the garage and took me out the back way.

Luckily, I was a quiet baby. Most of my time was spent sleeping. The surgries I endured took a lot out of me. When I was awake, I was being examined by my family or an army of doctors. Being in the casts, I was unable to walk or even crawl. So, to get around, I'd either "ride" Rebel like a horse. Or I'd lay on my stomach, reach out my arms, grab a handful of carpet, and pull myself foward.Doing that greatly built up my upper body strength. Without knowing it, I'd actually started the physical therapy that was suppost to begin when the casts came off. The problem was that my legs were unusuable.

The casts weren't removed till more then two years later. It was only then that the doctors realized they had made a huge mistake.Not only did the casts not help my legs, they damaged my internal organs.There was no way to fix my body after all this time in the casts.At this point, I basicly lived in the hospital. Physical therapy on my legs all day and watching television all night. When the nurses tok their breaks or ate dinner, they'd sit with me in my room. When I did good in therapy, I'd get a little kiss by the female doctors and nurses conducting the therapy. As I was a little over three years old, I was happy to be the center of attention. I got to the point where I was working hard simply to make the ladies happy. I had a bad limp, but I was walking by myself. Not long after going home, the secondary ill effects of the casts became clear.

Even though I was in the body casts, my body was still growing. The problem was that it had no room to expand as it grew. Therefore, my internal organs grew into and onto each other. By all accounts, I should have died. However, instead of expiring, I lived in an ever increasing amount of pain. Everything came to a head (pardon the pun) when it became clear that I was unable to dispose of my bodily solid waste. Liquid waste was being released in excess, mostly while I slept. I was taken to several doctors and given all kinds of medicine and other suggestions. One doctor even refused to let me leave his office untill I used the restroom. There was no operation that would help me and the medicines did not work. It came to the point where I was told that, much like my limp, I'd just have to live with it.

There was also something else happening to me. I began to not only talk to myself, I began to realize how much I enjoyed being alone. I would watch television and beta tapes and secretly hope the villin would win. In bed at night, I would whisper to the bad guys how to beat the good guys. Than, one day, I saw something on television that made me so happy, it was like a christmas present to me. The movie was "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre". I didn't understand what it was, but the woman running through the woods with the monster chasing her made me excited in ways I couldn't explain. Even though I knew the difference between good and evil, I couldn't decide which one I was. At the time, I wan't aware I could be both.

Early on, the difference between male and female was ovious. Males were evil and females were victims. As most of my family were women, this hurt me. Dispite my personal pull towards being evil, I refused to do anything that would harm my family. The images from television stayed in my brain and attempted to make me bad. I would have dreams at night where I was the monster. Then, one day, I killed a few frogs in my backyard. I felt nothing. Not happy or sad or anything. I will not go into detail of how I did it. When I was finished, I threw the evidence in the trash and went on with my day as if nothing had happened. After that, the dreams stopped for a long time.

Due to all the time I had spent in the hospital, I haden't started school yet. In a way, you could say I was home schooled at that time. My family and the hospital staff taught me all they could. I was always asking questions and they answered them as best they could. Eventually, though, I was deemed healthy enough to go to a real school. I was a little older than the other children there. As such, I was shuffled around between grades and classes. This caused problems for me with the other students. In the beginning, I had more enimies then anyone. More than once, I sinply left school and walked back home. On one occation, the school principal came to my house to talk to me and my family. I explained to everyone how I was treated because of both my age and physical limitations. I simply wanted to be left alone. I would have been more then happy to do all the school work in my bedroom, where I spent the majority of my time. The end result of the conversation was the principal and my family chasing me all around the back yard, trying to catch me and bring me back to school. I was dragged back, kicking and screaming. A few months later, it was clear that I was very bored. The work was beyond easy and I'd finish it quickly.

In forth grade, I was ordered to play the orge in a class production of "Three Billy Goats Gruff". When my scene came, I could even remember my lines. As I ran out of the classroom, I heard all the other kids laughing. Two very important things happened as I sat in the hallway, crying. First, one of my classmates, a girl named Julie, followed me out and stayed with me. She held my hand the entire time as she talked to me and calmed me down. After I had settled down, she promised me it didn't matter how my preformance went. She'd still like me and be my friend no matter what I did. Secondly, I began to realize that even if I screwed up, it would not be any worse than what I'd already experienced. I should have died several times by then. Much like in the hospital, I'd simply do the best I could. After going to the restroom to clean up a bit, I walked back into the classroom and, with everyone staring, preformed my little heart out. As the play ended, Julie ran up and gave me a big hug. After that, I went to school every day with a smile on my face. It began to dawn on me that females weren't as weak as I'd thought. They were just different. Knowing that, I began to wonder if males were the weaker sex.

Everything was fine untill I reached six grade. At that point, I understood just how different I was from everyone else. Life changing key events happened. There was a movie I had seen a few times called "The Shining".  There's a line in the film that goes, "Wendy,darling, light of my life. I'm not gonna hurt you. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm just gonna bash your brains in.". That scene greatly appealed to me. One day, while I was walking home from school, a chained up dog, I believe it was a pit bull or a boxer, came snapping at me. As I watched this anaimal do it's best to scare me away, I picked up a large tree branch. Silently reciting the very same quote from the film, I slowly walked toward this dog and it was slowly backing away.When it was backed into a corner, the owner came out of his house and asked what I was doing. Not saying a word, I simply dropped the tree branch and walked away. I didn't really care either way what happened. Life, Death, Pick One. There was a program in my school called "Scared Straight". The police would come to the school and select certain students. The children were brought to the jail and "booked", fingerprinted, and placed in cells. It was to get kids to understand what happened when they broke the law. In my cell, I beat up a kid for taking what the officer said was my cot. I layed down and litterlly fell asleep.

I kept a very very small group of friends. Most people kept their distance from me. I neither knew nor cared why. During recess, I'd usually sit by myself. One day, though, I heard a girl screaming. Only intending to see what was going on, I walked over to the field next to the school. There was a hole ripped in the gate and I crawled through it. When the two boys noticed me walking toward them, they took off running. The girl was scared, but unharmed. I knew she wasn't in the special ed classes I was enroled in. Walking her back to school, she asked me if I wanted to go over to her house after school. After calling me family to let them know, I agreed and we met after class.Her mother picked us up after school and we climbed in the backseat where she cuddled up against me. I found it intresting to see what other kids did when they got home. While her mother made us snacks, we watched "cartoons". When I got home from school, I'd watch "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" or "I Spit On Your Grave". She watched "Bugs Bunny" or "Inspector Gadget".

After a while, we went upstairs to her room to do homework. Laying next to each other, I felt happy. Nothing sexual or erotic, but we touched and played with each other for a few hours. I was picked up just before dinner time. Once in a while, we'd see one another in school. She's sit with me during lunch or recess. Soon, I was introduced to a friend of her's named Heather. Most days, they'd go back to Heather's house after school. One day, I saved the girls from some bullies that were pushing them around. I was invited to go to Heather's house with them that afternoon. She only lived a block from the school and we stopped at the 7-11 on the way to get soda and snacks. The three of us went right up to her bedroom. Much like at Amanda's house, we did homework then hung out till it was time to go home. This happened several times a week for a few months. The girls were beginning to develop in a big way. As such, our conversations were very unchildish. Then came the day when our luck changed for the better. After arriving at our after school hangout, we learned we'd be alone and unsupervised for several hours as Heather's mother had to work a double shift.

Having watched the movies I did, I'd already seen a female's body. However, in the flesh was an unknown experience for me. That day, I began the conversation about the many differences between the male and female body. Maybe the girls really liked and trusted me. Perhaps they felt I deserved a reward for protecting them from the bullies. Whatever it was, they both completly undressed right there in front of me, panties and all. They took a while to explore each other. They were clearly different. Amanda was starting to grow hair in intresting places and Heather had a bigger chest. Eventually, they got around to me and that's when the real fun began. When I watched the movies, I felt funny in a weird way and I became hard. I had the exact same reaction with these two naked girls. Slowly removing my clothes, the girls were enthraled with how strange my body was. Because of the casts and all the surgeries, I am slightly deformed. It seemed, however, that no matter what the age, all females have a maternal instinct. As opposed to being totally grossed out, they had a sudden jones to make me a comfortable and happy as they possiblly could.

Streching out on the bed, with not a stitch of clothing on any of us, we explored each other. When something felt good, we kept with it. Dispite the fact that we didn't really know what sex was, we three did have sexual intercourse. Now, as an adult, I know what we did was wrong. At the time, though, we were just children playing.The three of us were onlt together the one time, but we remained friends untill graduation. I have not seen or heard from the girls since.
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That is the end of chapter one. I have been writing this forover five years and I am still nowhere near the end. I do hope you now understand me a little better. And for those of you who wish to remain my friend, I ask that you leave me a comment on what you think. How many of you wish to hear the entire story? Would you have done anything different that I had? If so, what? Let me know.

I thank you for your time and will be in contact again soon.